Queen Of Hearts
by Kanki Youji
Summary: I've finally realized that I will never be the Queen of Hearts" - Misa drabble. Spoilers for end of the series


**A/N:** Well, I'm taking a course on Alice and Wonderland, and going off to cosplay Misa at SacAnime (if any of you will be there, me and my beta will be there on saturday, her dressed as L, and being forced to cary all my bags, and me as Misa randomly hugging everyone I can and stalking all Light cosplays, as my character demands). Anywho, this is the fruits of that combination. Don't try to understand me, I just love me.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own, not even the L doll in my bed right now. It's Holly's. Sort of.

**.:Queen of Hearts:.**

When Light first told me I'd be Queen of his new world, the first thing that I thought of was not how amazing he was, or how lucky I was (even though he was, undoubtedly, amazing, and I was most certainly the luckiest girl alive). No, the first thing that came into my head was that I was to be the Queen of Hearts.

It was a delusion I quite fancied. I know that, in the movie she was a fat old hag, but when I first read about her – yes, I _can_ read, thank you very much, and I do. Did. Back in school and stuff. Anyway, when I first read Alice in Wonderland, I thought the queen was a wonderful person to be. She was powerful, and had a devoted person by her side who loved her and told her she was pretty. She could do whatever she wished and no-one would go against her, and if she was offended she could simply shout 'off with their head!' and that would be that.

If I was the Queen of Hearts, life for me would be just like that, too. I'd get what I wanted, when I wanted it, and no-one would ever dare go against me. Of course, I'd rule much better than she had, of this I was sure. I'd be fair, and kind, and everyone would love me. And I'd be beautiful, because anyone who was prettier than me would be dead, because to out-shine the queen would be against the law.

And so, when Light promised to make me his queen, I was certain that that's what I would become. It was quite fitting. After all, the way I killed was with a heart attack – though I could behead someone if I wished, it really wouldn't be that hard. I wouldn't though, because the heart attack was perfect. After all, what better way for the Queen of Hearts to execute those who displeased her than through that which she was queen of?

But I now realize that I will never be the Queen of Hearts, or the Queen of anything, for that matter. Want to know why?

When a queen's champion knight falls in battle she mourns for a day, perhaps. Maybe longer if she is especially fond of said knight. Then she gets herself a new champion, a better one, and the cycle repeats. She never falls in love with him, though he loves her beyond all comprehension. And she won't ever marry him, either. No, a queen always marries a king. That's the way things go, how they've always gone. It must end that way, and she has no choice in the matter. And if her king husband dies she rules in his place and never takes another man, unless it will help her land, in which case it's arranged and a stranger becomes her next husband. And her next. And her next, on and on until she dies or gives up the throne, and then the cycle ends. But even after that she never, never marries the knight.

Well, Light was my Knight in Shining Armor, though it were better our positions were reversed. After all, he never loved me, not really, while my devotion to him knew no bounds. I belonged to him, body and soul, and he didn't care. If I died, I doubt he'd even grieve for a day, and if he did, it'd be an act. And then he'd find someone else.

Yes, he'd do better as the queen, and I as the knight, but gender laws prohibit such a switch.

Back to while I'll never be the Queen, of hearts or otherwise. When my knight died, I mourned every day, up to right now, and I'll keep grieving until I have no breath left in my body. I'll never find another champion – who could take Lights place? – and I shall never marry, for no-one will ever be as kingly as my knight.

That's why I could never be a proper queen.

As to the Queen of Hearts?

Mine was given to another long ago, and what's a Queen of Hearts without one of her own?

**A/N: **Reviews are love, m'darlings!


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